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• Mom: You better hide your stuff.
  Me: What stuff?
  Mom: Your little doo-dads.
  Me: What doo-dads?
  Mom: You know…
  Me: What? My weed paraphernalia?
  Mom: Yeah.
  Me: Why?
  Mom: People can see it in your apartment
  Me: Who’s going to see it in my apartment? My friends?
  Mom: It could be anyone, you never know who’s going to be in your apartment
  Me: I’ll never know who’s in my apartment?

  Phone Conversation

  09/07/10

• Patting myself on the back

  After finishing Matt taibbi’s great derangement, I feel so validated about my attitude toward politics. 

  There are certain beliefs I have about politics that people easily dismiss because they come off nihilistic, overly negative, and well, easy to dismiss. I have, since 2008, believed:

  1. The American political system is solely a business of businessmen, with money the number 1 priority, always.
  2. American foreign involvement in war or occupation in third world nations will never stop, it is embedded into the economy and always will be.
  3. The candidates are the same, other than small social issue debates. Both Democrats and Republicans support the war regardless of what they say, and the President has little power to make drastic changes to a system that already produces massive wealth for the upper class.

  In The Great Derangement Taibbi explores American politics and the right wing religious culture, only to discover that everything in this country can be whittled down to one key concept: $

  So when people argue with me about NOT voting for the candidate who will bring “CHANGE,” or try and make me feel like an asshole for not partaking in the hype/buildup/debate or the 08 election, I can now simply say- you are not on my level on knowledge and understanding.

  You don’t have a choice, you don’t win, and you can’t change it. You live in a terrible country (unless you like both buying new products and working 9-5).

  07/29/10

• Here I have a confession to make. It’s not something that’s easy to explain, but here goes. After two days of nearly constant religious instruction, songs, worship, and praise— two days that for me meant an unending regimen of forced and fake responses— a funny thing started to happen to my head. There is a transformational quality in these external demonstrations of faith and belief. The more you shout out praising the Lord, singing along to those awful acoustic tunes, telling people how blessed you feel, and so on, the more a sort of mechanical Christian skin starts to grow all over your real self. Even if you’re a degenerate Rolling Stone reporter inwardly chuckling and busting on the whole scene-even if you’re intellectually enraged by the ignorance and arrogant prejudice flowing from the mouth of a terminal ambition case like Phil Fortenberry— outwardly you’re swaying to the gospel and singing and praising and acting the part, and those outward ministrations assume a kind of sincerity in themselves. And at the same time, that “inner you” begins to get tired of the whole spectacle and sometimes forgets to protest—in my case checking out into baseball reveries and other daydreams while the outer me did the “work” of singing and praising. At any given moment, which one is the real you?

  Matt Taibbi, The Great Derangement

  07/27/10